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Kimball, Minnesota
March 12, 2009     Tri-County News
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March 12, 2009

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Page 2 - Onininn Thursday, March 12, 2009 v Tri-County News * Kimbal!, MN ..................   :::: g 0000(00..00.Belly00landng birth Murders, lost time, now a blizzard. Ill00CtOl00 As if witnessing a theatrical cast of 10 die one by one wasn&apos;t enough, I ended up watching it happen three times over. Oddly enough, each time was a little dif- ferent. Dress rehearsal, dinner theater performance, and Sunday matinee. But each time 10 people ended up "dead." The Kimball Community Play- house presented their winter pro- duction, a murder mystery. It was fun to see otherwise mild-man- nered community members cast in roles of potential murderers. And discovering the ultimate mas- termind behind the grizzly killings was an added twist. Sorry, Pastor Milz, but you do play a convincing psychotic sociopath. Of course, you played a convincing Jewish farmer and father, too, in Fiddler. Despite the fact that an expected weekend snowstorm did not materialize, I was surprised at how few people (relatively) came our to see the play. I learned that a Minnesota Representative was in the audience Sunday. She will decide this week whether the KCP gets a grant for which they applied. I hope she doesn't count the empty seats against us. And I hope that the enthusiasm by those who were there will make up for the lack of numbers. Remember, just like a hardware store or grocery store in town, if we don't patronize our local assets, they could go away. How many other towns of 600 peoplecan you think of that have their own theat- rical With" now about a dozen pro- ductions under its figurative belt, the KCP will do Camelot for its summer production in July. Start thinking now about how you can help: they'll need actors and tech- nical staff, naturally. They'll also need an orchestra. If you're not musically inclined, or have ter- minal stage fright, there are other ways to get involved. (Check out their Web <www.kimball> for ideas. At the very least, you can buy tickets to come out and spon- sor your friends and neighbors up there on stage. In the midst of the murder and mayhem, Daylight Saving Time started. (Note that it's "Saving" and not "Savings'" We're "saving" daylight, not putting it in a bank like savings.) I don't know any- one who likes it, but apparently it made sense at one point. It's kind of nice gaining an hour in the fall, but losing an hour, overnight, in the spring just stinks. It usually takes me weeks to get over it. And now, Tuesday, the day we need to get the paper to press, we're awaiting a winter storm that has closed parts of the Interstate system and actually killed people. Isn't it spring yet? Everyone here is tired of ice and snow, colds and flu, and shoveling. Can't we just be done already? Maine Prairie Township has wisely rescheduled their elec- tion and annual meeting (for next Tuesday, the 17th). As with most punishments, the anticipation of it can be the worst part of it. So here we are, working frantically to get pages done so they can be sent off to press before the storm hits us, or before it gets reallybad. Can we really escape weather, though? We can't escape it, and we can't outsmart it. But there is a lot we can do to respect it and keep ourselves safe. Here's hoping that (a) everyone makes it through this one safely and soundly, (b) this is our last winter storm of the season, and (c) the Spring thaw and green-up is just around the corner! NO WOtqDE-R THEY CAN(T" HE/.[ U.5 DEADLINE: 2 p.m. Mondays Materials received after deadline will be considered for the next weeks issue. Seventeen years ago, when my wife and I were expecting our first child, we decided to take this "being aparent" thingveryserious. We read books on child rearing, bought plastic, outlet protectors, and secured our cupboards with childproof-locks. And, of course, took natural birthing classes. Now I hate to make generaliza- tions ... ah, who am I kidding? I make themall time. For instance: The French are snooty; we Nordic folk are stoic by nature; and, if you ever have dinner with someone from Holland, you will always pay separately! Ok, so those examples may be a little too general. I have a friend from Holland, now living in Min- nesota, who has more than once paid the entire check at a restau- rant. I know some very happy- go-lucky people of Scandina- vian descent. As for the French ... well, you all have a long way to go to overcome your stereo- types. Granted, you have given us great food, wonderful wine, bril- liant artists like MOnet and Renoir, but then you went and screwed it all up by inventing mimes! In my book, one irritating, black beret-, white glove- and striped shirt -wearing mime getting into my personal space cancels out thou- sands of years of France's many cultural achievements! Back to generalizations... Birthing Class Instructors. I'm sure there are normal birthing class teachers out there, but allow me to explain why I have formu-. lated this particular generaliza- tion and I promise you will under- stand.why. My first experience with birthing class instructors was that they were an odd species of tie-died T-shirt wearing, New Age music-listening, people who would describe the womb as if it were a magical land where puppies, fair- ies and unborn babies frolicked joyfully for nine months until it was time for the little bundle of joy to be brought into the world. Our instructor was a woman who tried to get the entire class of birth par- ents to give one another a "com- munal" backrub. This is where even the most outgoing Scandi- navian will draw the line, and I wasn't the only one. The expectant dad sitting next to me was in con- struction, and there was no way that either one of us was going to give the other a soothing backrub! Once I refused to participate in the back-rubbing exercise, l was no longer a candidate for teach- er's pet. And my esteem in her eyes lowered all the more when l wouldn't get in touch with my "inner fetus" when she asked each expectant father, "What do think the womb is like for your baby?" The response she received were things like, "safe" and "warm." When it was my turn to answer the question, my response was not met with her usually blissful and vacant smile. "I'm guessing it's pretty moist," I said. "Based on the videos you've shown us, they look pretty wrinkly. Ttfat's how I look if I spend too much time in the tub." Fast-forward 10 months later when the town we lived in at the time was celebrating its yearly summer festival. Part of the festiv- ities included a parade comprised of floats fashioned from snow- mobile trailers, old guys in funny hats on very small go-carts weav- ing back and forth, and numerous other organizations, many of which delighted in throwing handfuls of sugared projectiles at the throngs of Candy-craving children. Although our son was oblivious to most of what was happening, being the good parents we were trying to be, we thought it was our duty to take him to events like parades, circuses, county fairs and the like. To be honest, from that day on I have avoided parades. And if you had witnessed what I had you will understand why. It began with the sound of the kind of music you hear in a movie depicting some exotic Middle Eastern scene. Then. into sight came the entire cadre of birthing instructors from the local hospi- tal. As it turns out, in this town, all of the natural birthing instructors were also amateur belly dancers! Yes, belly dancers! And there they were, in sheer veils, finger cymbals and costumes that allowed them to display their rather significant midriffs (apparently, belly danc- ing doesn't actually help a per- son tone their abs). As we watched these belly-dancing birth instruc- tors perform, I turned to my wife and said, "When you give birth to our next child, you're getting the drugs!" <> 2009, N.M. Fredrickson. All rights reserved. TCN Office Hours: Monda,./s, 9 a.m.-5 p.m. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to the Tri-County News, RO. Box 220, Kimball MN 55353. The Tn-County News (USPS 639- 180) is entered at the Post Office, Kimball, Minnesota 55353, as Periodi- cals. It is published Thursdays by the Tri-County News, Inc., RO. Box 220, KimbaU MN 55353, Stearns County. LOCATION: Our office is at 70 Main Street South in downtown Kimball. Weekday office hours are Monday 9 a.m.-5 p.m. and Tuesday through Friday 9 a.m.-2 p.m. Our telephone and fax number is (320) 398-5000. E-mail can be addressed to <tcn@kimbaUarea.corn>. Our Web site is <>. We also have a drop site at Ertl Hard- ware Hank in downtown Watkins. DEADLINE: 2 p.m. Monday. RATES: Subscription rates are S30/year ($20 for age 62 and old- er) in Minnesota; $40/year ($30 for seniors) elsewhere in the U.S. Single copy price s 75 cents. STAFF: Jean Doran Matua, Editor an6 Publisher Sue Hughes: Creative Designer Maxine Doran: Admin. Asst. Jacqui DuBois: Staff Writer The staff of the Tri-County News recognizes that it has a responsi- bility to report the news accurate- [y and fairly, and that it is account- able to the public. Please contact our office if you feel we've fatten short of that objective. LEI-I'ERS: The Tri-County News welcomes letters promoting the ex- change of ideas and opinions. To be considered for publication, letters should address a topic of current or general interest. Private thanks, po- litical self-promotion, libelous let- ters, or letters denigrating character or reputation wilt not be published. All letters must bear the wnter's sig- nature, address and telephone num- ber. We reserve the right to edit for clarity and readability. LEGAL PUBLICATION: The Tri- County News is the publication of record for the city of Kimball, Independent School District #739, Clearwater River Watershed Dis- trict, Steams County, and the Townships of Fair Haven, Kingston and Maine Prairie. RECYCLING: The Tri-County News is printed with soy inks on recycled paper whenever possible. We encourage recycling. COPYRIGHT: All content herein is the property of the Tri-County News and is protected by U.S. copyright law; content may not be reproduced without our written prior consent. We are proud to be a member of: Minnesota Newspaper Assoc. Kimball Area Chamber Kimball Area Historical Society Stearns County Press Assoc. 2008 MNA Award for Best Adver- tisement; 2008 Award for Portrait and Personality Photography; 2007 MNA Award for Advertising Excellence; 2007 MNA Award, Best Information Graphic; 2006 MNA Award, Classified Adver- tising; 2004 MNA Award, Advertis- ing Excellence; 2000 MNA Award, Eest Local News Story. - 2009, ,, s'ae, Tri-County News v  % ffteRgjE PEO'LE i  |867